When I stepped out the back door this morning I heard a disconcerting sound, high in the elms:
tick -pause- tick -pause- tick
The source was She Who Must Not Be Fed, an evil-minded red squirrel who patrols the neighbourhood and hurls abuse at any moving object that is not her.
What I found alarming was that SWMNBF sounded like she was running down. Under normal circumstances, it's easy to wind up a squirrel: All I have to do is dare to show my face in my own back yard, and I get doused by a veritable fire hose of enraged chattering.
I know this has been a long, cold winter and there's still a whole month to go before the equinox, but I'm worried. Is SWMNBF counting down to zero, about to explode? Do I cut the red wire or the green wire? And how do I get up into that tree?
Paging James Bond... Mr. Bond, please pick up the courtesy phone...