Monday, February 19, 2018

Does anyone know how to defuse a squirrel?

When I stepped out the back door this morning I heard a disconcerting sound, high in the elms:

tick -pause- tick -pause- tick

The source was She Who Must Not Be Fed, an evil-minded red squirrel who patrols the neighbourhood and hurls abuse at any moving object that is not her.

What I found alarming was that SWMNBF sounded like she was running down.  Under normal circumstances, it's easy to wind up a squirrel:  All I have to do is dare to show my face in my own back yard, and I get doused by a veritable fire hose of enraged chattering.

I know this has been a long, cold winter and there's still a whole month to go before the equinox, but I'm worried.  Is SWMNBF counting down to zero, about to explode?  Do I cut the red wire or the green wire?  And how do I get up into that tree?

Paging James Bond... Mr. Bond, please pick up the courtesy phone...