Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Think Like A God Day 2016: Divine Intervention 101

Welcome to the 2016 edition of Think Like a God Day! Once a year, on July 13, I ponder what it's like to be a deity and ask you (or in this case, You) to do likewise.

This year's topic is "The pros and cons of being a Cosmic Cop."  In other words, how do You react when it is brought to Your attention that mortals are behaving badly? Do You:

  • Grab Sword of Righteousness, Cloak of Divine Awesomeness and Boots of Butt-Kicking and hustle down to the Prime Material Plane to give 'em what-for;
  • Go incognito and quietly tinker with the troublemakers' reality, making their comeuppance look like a totally, completely un-divine misadventure (bonus points if it makes the "News of the Weird" section of the paper);
  • Delegate to a minion and get on with other things, like e-mailing Prometheus to ask him if he'd like a couple of tickets to the Eagles game;
  • Drop hints to the miscreants' fellow mortals and wait for human justice to assert itself;
  • Sigh heavily and make a mental note to deal with it later;
  • Nod sagely and check off another item on the Divine Plan;
  • Shrug, smile and say "100 quadrillion years from now, who'll know the difference?"

For the record, My preferred option is #2 (Stealth Goddess with wicked sense of humor), but unfortunately My magisteria somewhat limit the ways in which I can intervene. I have no intention of weaponizing the Vernal Equinox, punctuation is too low-caliber to hurt anything more than someone's pride, and any Sword of Righteousness made of chocolate would *burp* get eaten long before I reached the battlefield.

That said, if a high-profile evildoer were to be captured by the authorities because of a Random Equipment Malfunction -- say, a getaway car suffering a catastrophic failure of the universal joint right outside Police Headquarters -- I'll just smile and wave, and disavow knowledge of My own [in]actions.

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