Thursday, November 28, 2013

Springy G's Gym

I have a confession to make:  I don't like to exercise.  In fact, as the Goddess of Punctuation (and various other things that happen without My divine intervention), I'd much rather meditate on the proper use of the ellipsis than to properly use an elliptical trainer.

It may be too soon to make this claim, but here goes.  Maybe, just maybe, My attitude concerning fitness is about to change.

This began simply enough, in the middle of a perfectly ordinary work day earlier this week.  I have a job that requires Xtreme Sitting, and over the course of the day it's not unusual to get a little bit stiff in the joints.  What I usually do in such situations is to get up for a minute or two and stretch out whatever hurts.

This time, though, I tried something a bit different:  I sat in the chair and flexed and extended My lower leg, as if I was using a leg extension machine.  As I did this slow-motion kicking, I noticed it was much easier to keep good form than when sitting atop a stack of fancy iron plates and trying to move as many as possible.

This is the  "OMGeveryeoneiswatchingputonanothertenpounds" effect, and you may have done this yourself.  (I know I certainly have.)  Somehow, in the thumping, blaring and rubber-scented mayhem of the average co-ed fitness place, the right amount of weight is never enough.

This is how people get hurt, of course -- If not physically, by inflicting grievous and unnecessary harm on a muscle with a fancy Latin name, then psychologically by going home frustrated because the last lift on the last set didn't go exactly as planned.  Or because it did.  The gym ethos seems to combine pain and boredom in equal measure.

I'm starting to think that before engaging in such masochism, one should already be confidently strong.  This would, of course, obviate the need for gyms and weight stacks and creased, slightly dog-eared posters full of curls and presses and such.

I'm also starting to think that body improvement doesn't need to be scheduled, and that in fact it should not be scheduled.  It needs to find a place in the middle of other activities so that it doesn't feel like a duty or an interruption, and it needs to be functional fitness.  By functional fitness, I mean the kind of movements and strengthening that helps improve something specific that's important to one's life.

Example:  I play clarinet.  Going to a yoga class, for instance, would take time and money out of My day, and with the possible exception of the breathing exercises I don't really need it for anything.  Similarly, unless I want to change a tire without a jack, doing knee-numbing squats or a 500-pound calf raise is a bit of a waste.  For music fitness, I think I can get by with some light aerobics.

And tap dance lessons.  Just in case.  (Springy G wanders off in search of a how-to site)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your winter back!

A slightly late "Hæ!" to everyone south of the Equator, who greeted the Springy Season at 20:44 UTC this past Sunday.

Meanwhile, up here in Winnipeg, we're now two days into autumn and I'm keeping busy by celebrating National Punctuation Day.

Or at least as busy as one can keep while winding down for the evening.

I'm relaxing when I can, because this is the lull before the storm -- Literally.  For Me, the coming of autumn means that it's time to get the house ready for winter.  I don't have a full season of 90+ days to do it, either -- 45 if I'm lucky, usually less.  I consider it an Epic Win if we make it to Halloween before the first snowfall.

And then there's that wee problem with the days getting shorter (and the evenings getting darker, necessitating the use of mass quantities of floodlights in order to not hit My thumb with the business end of a hammer).

I'm somewhat conflicted about this Daylight Saving Time business, too.  I enjoy having extra light at the end of the day, when I can actually use it.  Not too crazy about losing it again (although I do enjoy the extra sleep on the Sunday morning after the fall-back).  So while we're still on DST, I guess I'd better spring to it and...

*yawn* ...go to bed.  Good night, and happy holidays!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Think Like a God Day 2013: Hiding in Plain Sight

Welcome to the 2013 edition of Think Like a God Day!  Every July 13, I toss out a question for your consideration.  Your task:  Armed only with a vivid imagination, assume the persona of a god and come up with one or more god-like responses.  There are no wrong answers, although Your followers may look at you funny if that answer involves, say, a robotic llama and a vat of guacamole.

So here's the 2013 question:  We hear about gods who hear the *thud* of the sparrow when it hits the living room window, chirps feebly and staggers off muttering rude things about the idiot who left the drapes open.  Then there are the gods lurking "outside time and space," wherever the Sam Hill that's supposed to be, supposedly controlling reality without actually touching it.  Finally, there are the gods who do things like wandering into the Inn and starting a riot, or arguing with a tree.  (Fizban, I'm looking at *You*!)

Where do you fit on this continuum?  Are you an invisible picker-upper of stunned small chirpy birds, are you lurking a safe distance away with a cosmic joystick, or are you right in the thick of things testing Your mettle against the mortals?

And if You do get up close and personal with those pesky humans, how do You present Yourself -- Stealth mode with a floppy hat two sizes too big, or does the aura of flaming rainbows always give You away?

Sunday, April 21, 2013

All right, let's try this again.

(At an intersection just north of Beausejour, Manitoba, Springy G looks out the window of a westbound bus and sees a flock of confused and disgruntled geese standing around in a cold, swampy, unseasonably snowy field)

"Um... Do you suppose it would help if I declared it to be spring?"

"Wouldn't hurt.  Here; use the microphone."

Wait, what?  Oh, what the heck...

*click* *tap tap tap* "Can you hear Me?  I hereby declare it to be spring."

(Cheering from the back of the bus)

As the Æsir and Vanir are My witnesses, the above incident happened at about 6:00 this evening as the Northwinds and Westwood concert bands were returning from the biannual Community Band Festival in Pinawa, Manitoba.  I first attended this event in 2011, and there were some uncanny parallels.  In both cases, the bus left Winnipeg during a storm and returned just as the sky began to clear and a pale yellow disc of sun could be seen behind the clouds.

In fact, the sun looked identical to the way I remembered it from 2011.  Spooky...

In other news, George the Dragon is still under a snowbank but expects to work his way out by next weekend.  Stay tuned, and don't put away those snow shovels just yet.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Putting a trace on spring

(Springy G gulps down Her tea, pulls on Her coat and rushes out to the front steps to see in the new season)

In My capacity as the Goddess of the Northern Hemisphere Vernal Equinox, I hereby declare it to be spr...

...Oh, dear.

George, are you okay down there?


Don't worry, luv -- They must've lost the shipment.  I'll see if I can get a tracking number and get this razzafracking season underway.

To all aficionadi of the Vernal Equinox, may you have a good one... And may your gardens (and dragons) be easier to find than Mine was.