Sunday, May 22, 2011

This is why we can't have nice things.

It's 1:09 a.m. CDT on Sunday, May 22, 2011. The purported Rapture has come and gone, and I'm still here. So is...

...Excuse Me for just a second.

*knock knock knock* Chala!
*knock knock knock* Chala!
*knock knock kno--

(Chala stops playing World of Warcrack and yells "Whaaat?" through closed bedroom door)

Já, we're still here.

We were shopping at one of the larger supermarkets in Winnipeg at about 8:00 this evening (a good two hours after the Rapture deadline), and not one of the hundreds of people in the store appeared the least bit upset. No one was wailing or gnashing their teeth in the produce aisle, telling bystanders that a particularly devout family member had Mysteriously Vanished at the stroke of 6:00 p.m.

No noticeable earthquakes here, either, and at last report all the graveyards in the city were still intact.

However, I did take the time to Google +"Harold Camping" +"epic fail" and got over 5,000 hits. (opens a second browser window) Nearly 6,000 hits now.

To all you people out there who actively supported this insanity, wasting time and money and terrifying small children with nonsensical tales of divine wrath: I hereby sentence the lot of you to 120 years community service. All of you. No exceptions.

And, as for the End of the World...

... Drink up, mate. I don't think we have to worry about the cab driver disappearing on us.

Photo editing by Darchala Chaoswind, who also helped Me make a lovely post-PseudoRapture supper of Caesar salad and marinated garlic chicken breast in a white wine reduction.


William said...

Astreja you are brilliant, thank you: "... and terrifying small children with nonsensical tales of divine wrath" This strikes a chord with me - I strive to protect the innocence and free thinking of my child. Why are religious people permitted to trash the beautiful minds of children with life-long guilt complexes and obsequious attitudes? Thank you for raising this issue so eloquently

Anonymous said...

Hey - I am really glad to discover this. Good job!

Bryan said...

hi astreja! I just discovered your blog thanks to your tag you mentioned on your librivox recording. I find it very witty. I invite you to check out my blog should you find yourself bored on the web. :)

Astreja said...

Thanks for dropping by, Bryan!

I took a look at your blog; I'd say we share a taste for an eclectic posting style. Particularly liked the post about your significant other versus the evils of assemble-it-yourself furniture.

Thanks as well for reminding Me about Librivox. It's a great project, and I intend to volunteer there again once I finish migrating My digital studio to My new "some assembly (and parts) required" computer system.

crafts plus cats = me said...

Hi, I'm a fellow exchristian. I love your comments. Very witty, and very intelligent. You sometimes say stuff that I have no idea what it means, but I'm sure it's still very enlightening. I love the way you can knock the most obnoxious troll right on their but!
(yucky day in New England, cold and rainy, nothing to do buy spy on posters profiles!)