Sunday, May 4, 2008

Springy Tech Support

(stretches, wanders over to window, looks outside)

*dial dial dial*

"Welcome to MacroSeasons technical support hotline. All of our deities are currently busy. Your call is important to Us. Please stay on the line, and Your call will be answered by the next available representative."

(makes cup of tea)
(feeds cats)
(feeds fish)
(feeds Self)
(reads War and Peace)

"...are still busy. Please stay on the line..."

(reads War and Peace again, this time in Русский язык)

"MacroSeasons Tech Support, Indra speaking. How may I help You?"

"Hi. My name's Astreja Odinsdóttir, and I'm calling from Winnipeg. I've been having problems with Vernal Equinox 2008. Keeps crashing on Me."

"Mmm... Did You download the Daylight Saving Time patch?"

"I think that's what caused it to crash. I've had to reboot a couple of times already. And when it does run, it's sluggish... I can't even play Minesweeper without some half-frozen sparrow tapping on My window and telling Me to knock it off. I even got a Blue Screen of Death the other day..."

"I'll have to check with My supervisor. One moment, please." *click*

(writes alternate version of War and Peace, in Esperanto, making Marya into a day-trader with an allergy to spinach)

"Hello, Astreja? Sorry about the wait. I'll have to escalate this to Tier II support. In the meantime, just keep rebooting..."

(insert insincere closing pleasantries, followed immediately by the sound of a MacroSeasons Certified Goddess card being run through a shredder)

Enough of this crap! I'll get this razzafracking season working even if I have to rewrite the whole damn thing Myself. On Linux.

(does a quick search for GPL-licensed weather software, a C programming HOWTO, and the name of a good travel agent, Just In Case)

Right. Let's see what We've got here...

Ah, that's better.


Evil Ivan said...

hill air ee us
I just assumed that your comment on facebook was thought up on the moment

what are you wearing?

Astreja said...

Those are My official Springy Goddess magi-style white linen robes, created and hand-embroidered in 1999-2000. Reserved for ceremonial occasions (for example, cussing out tech support hotlines).

By the way, the "before" and "after" photos accurately represent Winnipeg's weather on May 4, 2008 - Taken about seven hours apart, at 12:30 p.m. and a bit before 8 p.m.