Friday, July 13, 2018

Think Like a God Day 2018: One of us has got to go!

Welcome to Think Like a God Day, Your annual chance to walk a light year in the shoes of a deity.  Here's this year's question for You to ponder:

Due to circumstances (unforeseen, unless You are an omniscient deity), you have a terrible choice to make.  Either You or the universe can continue to exist, but not both.  Which one of you gets the pink slip / golden handshake, and why?

(My choice is simple:  The universe stays and I go.  I follow the Norse tradition of non-eternal, killable gods, and I see reality as constant change.  Not only is the universe darned cute *coochie coochie* but I would be divinely bored without it.)

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Coffee as professional development

I have a confession to make:  I like going out for coffee.

No, let me rephrase that.  I love going out for coffee.  In fact, there's one regular Saturday night hangout that's so much a part of my routine that the day isn't complete till I've gone and come back.  Sometimes I go somewhere else for my evening java, but not going out at all on Saturday night feels just plain weird.

Over the years, I've spent literally thousands of dollars driving or walking to places that sells roasted-bean beverages and sundry foodstuffs.

I can explain everything, really.  This is where I go to get ideas -- writing ideas, interior decorating ideas, troubleshooting a project, window-shopping, sometimes just people-watching.  Sometimes I take my notebook computer along and actually compose something right then and there, being careful not to get biscotti crumbs in the keyboard or hot French Roast in my lap.

Yes, I could make coffee at home.  Sometimes I do.  No, I have no intention of giving up these evening sorties.  The change of venue is refreshing, a caffeine spa treatment that gives me a chance to kick back and integrate all the fussy little details from the previous week.

If only it was tax-deductible.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Sorry we missed you

(Springy G saunters up her front walk, intent upon a slip of paper sticking out of the mailbox)

Oh, dear -- They tried to deliver spring at a quarter after eleven this morning, while I was at work.  I guess I'd better drive over to the courier depot and sign for it.

(A rogue snowflake lands on her nose.  She sneezes, turns her gaze upward to sky, and sighs.)

Regardless, a happy Equinox to you.  I'm going to go run some errands and then maybe get this weather thing sorted out.


Thursday, March 1, 2018

The Crow Whisperer

This morning, as I walked down the street to catch the bus to work, I heard a commotion up ahead:

cawCAWcawCAWCAWCAWcawCAW!

At first I saw three crows up in a tree; then a fourth; then a whole bunch more in an adjoining tree -- perhaps not a murder of crows, but at least an involuntary homicide of them.  They seemed to be rather disturbed about something.

I like crows, partly because they're smart little bastards and partly because they remind me of Huginn and Muninn, Asgard's airborne intelligence agency   I hate to see them upset, so I made an attempt to calm them down.

By doing my very best lady-crow impression.

I don't know how accurate it was -- my purring gargle probably came across as more penguin than corvid -- but I got a bit of a dialogue going with the gang up in the tree, and as I walked by and chatted with them they settled down quite nicely.

Most importantly, I got to work with absolutely no crow poop on my hat.

I do wonder what the crows were talking about after I left, though...

Monday, February 19, 2018

Does anyone know how to defuse a squirrel?

When I stepped out the back door this morning I heard a disconcerting sound, high in the elms:

tick -pause- tick -pause- tick

The source was She Who Must Not Be Fed, an evil-minded red squirrel who patrols the neighbourhood and hurls abuse at any moving object that is not her.

What I found alarming was that SWMNBF sounded like she was running down.  Under normal circumstances, it's easy to wind up a squirrel:  All I have to do is dare to show my face in my own back yard, and I get doused by a veritable fire hose of enraged chattering.

I know this has been a long, cold winter and there's still a whole month to go before the equinox, but I'm worried.  Is SWMNBF counting down to zero, about to explode?  Do I cut the red wire or the green wire?  And how do I get up into that tree?

Paging James Bond... Mr. Bond, please pick up the courtesy phone...

Saturday, January 13, 2018

How not to store things

I just figured out why I keep running short of grocery bags:  They're full of stuff.

If you ever decide to explore the eldritch territory known as Astreja's House, please watch your step.  Chances are that there are 1d12 carrying bags or similar containers somewhere along your path, and you'll have to roll a saving throw versus dexterity to avoid tripping and impaling yourself on the corner of a coffee table.  If you were to do that exploration today, for instance, this is what you might find:

  • Saxophone case, tucked in between a bookshelf and the fireplace.
  • 2 clarinet cases, right next to the aforementioned coffee table.
  • The knapsack that I use to transport smaller clarinets, occupying one whole spot on the couch.
  • The shopping bag that has my flute, jazz band music, and alto sax stand, occupying the other spot on the couch.
  • Pair of snowshoes in a bag hanging on a hook by the back door.
  • Large cloth  bag with shoulder strap, occasionally used for transporting my alto clarinet, and known for migrating to random places on the first floor of the house.
  • Laptop case, purse, and gym bag, on hooks by the front door.
  • Shopping bag with 50' extension cord, right in the middle of the study floor.
  • 2 buckets full of painting and plastering materials under a shelf in the kitchen (formerly 2 buckets and a shopping bag full, until I reorganized and confiscated the shopping bag).
I'm not going to get into other feet-unfriendly objects, like the multiplicity of toolboxes, or file boxes, or various plastic storage bins, or the space heater in my office.  And please don't go wandering into the spare bedroom -- even I'm not sure what's in there right now.  The gist of the matter is that my organizing and decluttering skills still need a bit of work.  In the meantime, it's just so convenient to drop a bunch of project materials into a shopping bag and park that bag somewhere close to where the project will be happening.  (That explains the extension cord in the study, and the bag previously full of drywall tools and boxes of plaster in the kitchen.)

But no, I am not going to the store to buy big plastic bins.  I know that's a January tradition, rushing out to the store to buy plastic bins as part of some demented New Year's resolution to tidy up the house.  Maybe I'll buck the trend by giving a few of my bins away.

Once I figure out what the heck I stored in them, that is.


Friday, December 29, 2017

Dragon repair kit

According to the readout on my car dashboard, it was -27°C outside when I got home from the store.

According to CBC Manitoba at 9:24 p.m. on this particular Friday night, it's now -29°C -- and feels like -42.

Why, you may ask, would anyone go outside on a night like this?

Well, among other things (including going to the gym and picking up some groceries), I had a favour to do for an old friend.

In my kitchen there's a carved wooden dragon that I've had for almost 19 years.  I bought it because it looked so much like my pal (and self-appointed bodyguard) Glori.  Unfortunately, wood being wood and years being years, the years have not been kind to the wood.  A couple of teeth have chipped, part of Glori's moustache is missing, and a huge crack has been threatening to separate the upper jaw from the rest of the dragon.

It's also not the right colour.  The sculpture is reddish-brown, whereas Glori is more of a teal green.  A minor concern, though, when doing dragon triage.

While I was out in that mind- and body-numbing cold, I stopped off at a craft store and bought a bottle of gesso, some oven-bakeable clay, and a bottle of metallic teal paint.

When I got home, I rounded up a few more things:  One of my power drills, some small drill bits, a container of toothpicks, a jug of white glue, a table knife, a drill bit gauge, an extension cord, a ball of twine and a cable tie.  I used the drill to drill pilot holes through the nostrils, the table knife to sneak a bunch of glue into the jaw crack, the toothpicks and some glue to hold it all together, and the twine to make sure it stayed together while the glue dried.  (I used the cable tie to gently scrape excess glue off the wood.)

(checks weather forecast and shivers)  Looks like Saturday will be a good day for dragon dental work.  And hot chocolate.  (clinks mug with Glori)  Cheers!